The Tamil Diaspora has many strengths. We have excelled academically, professionally, economically. We have simultaneously preserved our traditional culture, while successfully assimilating into our new environments. However, this has not been easy.

It has not been easy growing up in a Western world, struggling with the cultural clashes between Tamil traditions and Western modernity. With the generations fighting one another, as our parents impose against the lifestyles of our Western peers. As many Tamil youth brought up abroad, begin to neglect – or were never even taught – the norms and values of Tamil culture. As we attempt to define ourselves and solidify our identity, within a dizzying array of opportunities, vices and choices.

Seeds is a magazine for Tamil youth, by Tamil youth. This magazine aims to present an open forum for Tamil youth in the Diaspora. A safe space to vent, to cry, to argue, to confer, to complain, to create, to share. As such, this magazine belongs to all of you: the readers, the writers, the artists.

We look forward to sharing the works of Tamil youth with you, and we urge you to submit your own articles, essays, poems, photos, graphics – anything and everything! Please submit your work, opinions and feedback to seedsmagazine@gmail.com.

We hope to hear from you!

In solidarity,

Padma Ramalingam

Editor-in-chief

Interview with Brintha Vasagar, Miss Philadelphia 2008

By Prem Jayanthan

America

General information:

-Born in Maryland, USA

-3^rd year medical student

-Female

-Sri Lankan Tamil

-Brintha’s community service platform in Philadelphia: GIVE — Get Involved, Volunteer in Education

Beauty pageant/interests:

PJ: SEEDS magazine extends a warm Vanakkam to Miss Philadelphia 2008.

BV: Nanri.

PJ: First things first, why did you want to participate in the beauty pageant?

BV: My sister’s friend in college got involved in a Pennsylvania State pageant.  She got scholarship money.  My sister suggested I try it.

PJ: Was this your first pageant?

BV: This is my third pageant.  The first two were for Miss D.C.  This is my first pageant in Philadelphia.  In July, I will be competing for Miss Pennsylvania.
PJ: What is it like to be the first Tamil American woman to become Miss Philadelphia?

BV: I am not really a stranger to the spotlight.  I did lots of work trying to raise money after the tsunami.  I am used to this position.  I have been touched by the large number of people reaching out to me because I am a Tamil or because I am Sri Lankan.  I want to get people involved in volunteering.  Especially women.
PJ: What are some recent books, music, and movies you have read/listened/watched? Do you listen/watch Tamil music/movies?

BV: I found I relate a lot with this book, The Namesake, by Jhumpa Lahiri.  My sister gave it to me to read on the flight to Sri Lanka and it reminds me of the trip each time I read it.  It is about finding a balance in being American but also of another culture.  It’s about the struggles kids face while adjusting to America.

I haven’t been to the movies in a long time.  I usually wait until they play it on TV.  Recently, I wanted to see “21”.  As for music, I really like Timbaland.  MIA is pretty cool, too.

PJ: Do you listen/watch Tamil music/movies?

BV: Occasionally.

PJ: How are your Tamil language skills? How do you feel about them?

BV: I can understand Tamil, but my speaking is slower and I can’t write; however, I can communicate if I had to.

PJ: Do you wish you knew more Tamil?

BV: Vocabulary is my main problem.  I know the words for household objects and common phrases, but I wish I knew certain words like “waves” or “tsunami” when placed in unusual situations.
Tamil Womanhood:

PJ: What is it like to be a Tamil woman living in America?

BV: My parents never made me conform to a traditional female role. Through high school, I built robots with my father.  I was raised being encouraged in science and math, which are traditionally male subjects. I would say my parents were more liberal with me and let me pursue whatever I was interested in.  My mother had it a lot different.  She is a so talented at math, but was not encouraged to go to college but rather to get married.
PJ: Do you ever feel pressured by your family or the Tamil community to follow certain Tamil female stereotypes like conforming to a certain feminine appearance as a woman, having an arranged religious marriage, having children quickly, etc.?

BV: My parents are amazing in that sense. They believe education, college, and medicine should come first.  They support me.  They would never ask me to get an arranged marriage unless that’s what I wanted.
PJ: Do you have any advice for female Tamil youth?

BV: I am a non-typical beauty queen.  I was always a smart, nerdy kid.  To wear a crown is so funny for me, since I was never the pretty girl; always the science nerd.  I would tell other women that they can do more than they think they can.  Value intelligence; it will get you further as a woman.  Beauty can capture attention but will get you nowhere without intelligence to back it up.

PJ: At present, how do you want to help Tamil women back home?

BV: I want to tell as many people as I can about this 501 c3- non-profit, Jaffna Medical Faculty Overseas Alumni Association (JMFOA).  I would like to get at least a year’s worth of funding for them.  I am raising money to fund underprivileged medical students.  In my opinion, this is the best strategy to improve the conditions in Sri Lanka – by creating an infrastructure of professionals.

PJ: Long-term?

BV: In the long-term, I would really like to open a school in SL for underprivileged women.  Women are under-looked as a resource.  They are a great way to make social change. Men will always work, but when women work, you can really influence a country.

Medicine:

PJ: How do you manage to participate in beauty pageants despite the fact that you are currently a 3rd year medical student?

BV: Everyone asks me that!  Instead of watching TV for leisure, I practice my dance routine.  My friends are really supportive.  We play “pageant girl” and discuss relevant issues.  For example, one of my friends is Canadian.  We love to discuss and compare healthcare in both countries.  Most importantly, I try to expand my mind and discuss issues with intelligent people.
PJ: Have you decided what field you would like to enter?

BV: I have not.  I always said I wouldn’t do oncology, but my first rotation was with cancer patients.  We aren’t supposed to help the patients, just follow the doctor, but this one time, I saw this woman, who was covered head-to-toe in tumors and was having trouble buttoning her shirt – so I stepped forward and helped her. She squeezed my hand, blessed me, and told me that this is what I was meant to do.  So now I love oncology and who knows where I’ll end up.

PJ: Was there any pressure from your family and/or Tamil community to become a doctor?

BV: Not really. My dad wanted me to become an engineer like him. But I have wanted to be doctor since I was five.

PJ: What advice do you have for Tamil youth who are under pressure to become doctors, even when they don’t want to be?

BV: Eventually, it comes down to having love for medicine.  Everyone needs to really spend time and think about it.  It is really rewarding, but you must love it; don’t do it for the money because it just won’t be fulfilling.
PJ: Do you have any advice for high school or undergraduate Tamil youth interested or not-interested in becoming a doctor?

BV: Volunteering.  I really got to experience the medical field by volunteering at hospitals.  I, also, volunteered in an outreach program to help start an AIDS clinic in rural Africa.  Look at the ups and downs of the medical profession.

Also, don’t focus too much on just what your major is or just what your profession is.  For example, I decided to do a thesis on teaching science to kids in inner city schools.  My students were most at risk to not graduate from high school.  It didn’t relate much to medicine, but it was one of the best humanitarian learning experiences I’ve had.

Sri Lanka, tsunami, human rights:

PJ: What are the top 3 things that come to mind when you think of Sri Lanka?

BV: War. Tsunami. Family.

PJ: Do you have any family there?

BV: I don’t have any immediate family, but I saw my 83 year-old great aunt, my dad’s cousins, and other relatives in Jaffna and Colombo.

PJ: When did you go to Sri Lanka? How long were you there for?

BV: December 2004.  I was there for 3 weeks.

PJ: Why did you go?  What did you do there?

BV: I had never been there, because of the war.  At the time, there was a ceasefire, and so it seemed like a good time to go.

My dad and I went to volunteer.  I really wanted to work in a refugee camp with kids.  I wanted to see the medical situation for myself.  I wanted to see what would life have been like, if my parents hadn’t left.

In addition, part of the experience was witnessing my dad see everything again 25 years later, occupied and covered in barbwire.

PJ: What do you mean?

BV: My dad’s house was occupied.  I was only allowed to see it from a distance.  Many of my parents’ stories were about this beach behind my mom’s church.  It was heartbreaking to not be able to walk there because of the military occupation.
PJ: Describe your experience in Sri Lanka during the tsunami.

BV: The story I always tell, my most memorable experience was while working at a hospital in North Eastern Sri Lanka.  A man was walking for days; looking for his baby at different hospitals.  What made it memorable was that he was making a list of children’s names and the hospitals they were in, so when he returned to his town, others would know that their children were safe.  Another memorable experience was watching everyone sharing everything-food, water, towels, etc.  It amazed me how willing people were to give what little they had even in these times of great hardship.
PJ: After you came back to the United States, how did you try to help the tsunami victims?

BV: When I came back, it was hard to watch television.  [News Stations] were discussing the tsunami, but not Sri Lanka and not the people I had seen.

I decided to write an e-mail to my friends.  Small things can make a huge difference.  Friends sent it to their family and friends. A couple, who were getting married, decided to ask their guests to donate money instead of buying gifts.  As they put it, why do we need another blender when people have nothing.
PJ: How do you feel about a recent report by corruption watchdog, Transparency International, stating that over $500 million in tsunami aid is “missing”?

BV: As someone who witnessed how extensively these unfortunate people needed food, medicine, and supplies, and as someone who tried to do something about it, it hurts.  It’s devastating that some people are willing to take from people who have nothing.  I wish it wasn’t that way.  But I don’t regret trying raise money.  If anything, I would say that this is why we should continue to raise money.  The people still need help.

Conclusion:

PJ: To conclude, do you have any fashion advice for Tamil women or men? Do you have any advice for any other Tamil females who want to be in beauty pageants?

BV: (laughs).  I would say, wear what you love and wear it with confidence.  I look exactly the same today as I did in high school.  In high school, I was a nerd, but now I have confidence in myself and don’t care about negativity because I like what I’m wearing.
PJ: Now be honest, what is the chance of me being named Miss Philadelphia 2009?

BV: One of the qualifications for Miss Philadelphia is being a woman.  Also, I would have to see how you are dressed.

 

Dear Abira,

My parents want me to become a doctor but I’m interested in something else? What do I do?

Signed,
Needing-to-be-doctored

London, UK

Dear Needing-to-be-doctored,

I believe this is the question that exemplifies the generation gap, creating many world wars between parent and child. These are the discussions that leave you wondering “what went wrong?” You are not alone in your confusion and discouragement in deciding the next 50 years of your life. To our parents, becoming a doctor is the biggest honor bestowed on one’s child. It symbolizes status, wealth, and ultimately, a happiness no other profession (in their eyes) can provide. It allows them closure at the end of the era of sleepless nights and endless worrying, because they feel certain that you will be successful and independent. Unfortunately, what many parents fail to see is that there are many paths to happiness, and surprisingly, not everyone’s is the same! While some find fulfillment in treating a patient’s metastasized tumor, others find the same joy in teaching a child to play the violin, or sharing a poem with the world. It is important for you to explore your strengths, find what makes you happy, and utilize your skills for the good of the world. Most importantly, try and communicate with your parents in a way that shows them that thought (not emotion - they don’t go for that) has been put into your decision, and that you are a responsible person capable of weighing alternative options. If that doesn’t work, it always helps to recall the blacksheep cousin that no one speaks of who turned to a life of…gasp!…politics! But be sure to pick the cousin with a happy ending to her story.

Dear Abira,

All my friends are wearing makeup and my parents won’t let me. What can I do to change their mind?

Signed,
Make-me-up

Bergen, Norway

Dear Make-me-up,

Flashback: sneaking lipstick in backpack, rushing to the girls’ bathroom before the bell rings to put it on, feeling pretty all day, mom finds lipstick in backpack, screaming match begins… I can’t believe I told my parents I hated them!

Middle and high school years are a very difficult time for Tamil students. You want so much to fit in and be liked. At the same time, you want your parents to see you as an individual, as a person who needs freedom. You’re Norwegian. You’re Sri Lankan. You’re Tamil. You’re Indian (or so most people think). Make-up can be a tough question to discuss with parents, especially with mom since dad just thinks you’re “painting your face.” (Wait till you start doing your eyebrows and your dad thinks you’re getting your hair cut.) Mom most likely doesn’t understand why you want to wear make-up, considering that she probably didn’t start wearing it until after she got married. I’m reminded of a Full House television episode where the middle daughter, Stephanie, pierces her ears in an attempt to get the popular girls to like her, as well as to get her father to treat her differently than he treated her older sister. He brings up the point that if she wants to be treated as an individual who is independent, then why does she want to wear make-up and look like her friends? If you want your parents to see you as a mature individual, it is important to speak with them in ways that shows that you are. This would not include my previously-tried and disproven methods of lipstick hijacking that inevitably led to me screaming that I hated them. All that proved to my parents was that I was not old enough to be making independent decisions about wearing make-up! If you want to be taken seriously, you must take yourself and your parents seriously.

 

By Rosha Manoranjan
America

“Don’t stay out in the sun too long—you’ll get dark.”
“Wear your best jewelry; you never know who you’ll meet at this wedding.”
“If you lose 10 pounds, I’ll buy you that paavada you wanted.”

If we got a rupee for each time we heard that, we’d be richer than Kamal Haasan! I don’t know about you guys, but I’m tired of trying to fit the mold of society’s perfect body. Who wants to stand in front of the mirror and critique every little part of their body? Get over it, girls! We don’t have to look like Aishwarya in order to be considered beautiful.

It was once a widely held belief that the only people who suffered from eating disorders were white, upper class women. This is not true! No group is immune to this disease, especially not those exposed to Western culture. Traditionally, the South Asian culture accepted heavier women. Yet, as soon as we integrated in the West, we adopted the portrayal of a “small and thin” ideal body. In a study of over 900 middle school girls, South Asians surprisingly reported greater body dissatisfaction than white girls. Acculturation can cause identity confusion. We are all aware that Indian and Sri Lankan girls are raised by their families to be obedient, “good” girls. Emotional turmoil thus arises when integrated with a culture that values independence and individualism. So, what else are we to do but develop low self-esteem, feelings of isolation and thus, eating disorders, right? Wrong! We need to change the value which society has placed on size and shape.

Let’s talk about our favorite Tamil film stars. While it’s wonderful to keep touch with our culture, these films are just not helping matters for women. As young white women aspire to look like the emaciated celebrities they see in the media, it only makes sense that young South Asian women faced with beautiful film stars of their own might wish to achieve the same physical goals. But, these images will affect the way we feel only if allowed! We have to realize that this ideal is dictated by airbrushed, impossibly thin images. No one is immune, but we need to not buy into this dangerous culture of thinness.

People from countries close to the equator generally have darker skin. This means us, ladies! However, it’s no secret among our families that lighter skin is likened to beauty. We are constantly being told to avoid sunlight for fear of getting darker. Even some words that mean “fair” also mean “beautiful” in some Indian languages. The detrimental media only serves to reinforce the ideal of light skin. Many popular Tamil movie actresses are fair skinned. This is interesting, seeing as how most of South Asia has darker skin. Many of you have heard of the Indian fashion magazine, Femina. With the cover girls’ bronze skin, blue eyes and Western features, you’d never be able to tell what ethnicity this magazine was trying to address. The message this conveys to us is that beautiful skin is white. This fascination with the West can be dangerous for young Indian American women’s self-esteem and health.

How has one standard of beauty for women become almost a universal ideal? According to Joan Jacobs Brumberg from “The Body Project,” the desire to be thin originated in the 1920’s in the US. This “slimming craze” has continued into the 21st century regardless of ethnic background or socioeconomic status.

In social and professional settings, women are positively reinforced for looking a certain way. Even within our own homes, our families have expectations regarding our appearance, especially prospective brides. Would you guys believe it if I told you that women living in countries like India appear much more content with their fuller body shapes. In fact, the cultural stereotype of attractiveness within these societies includes a fuller figure. But sadly enough, studies find that acculturation into Western societies dangerously facilitates the way in which women adopt the more stringent habits of the prevailing culture. It is apparently hard to “just say no” to society.

Ladies, we need to start counting our blessings, not our blemishes! It’s about time we celebrate all the amazing things our body does for us. It lets us laugh, dance and admire the beauty surrounding us. I’m sick and tired of playing tug-of-war with Western standards of ideal beauty. No one should be allowed to tell us what we should look like in order to feel good about ourselves. I will dress however I want, stay out in the sun as long as I want, and eat whatever I want. So stand up girls and eat that payasam!